School Portrait (don’t you love portrait CDs?)

 

School Portrait

I am not going to shut down this blog.  This is the place I will still post about my girl and our daily life.  Deeper thoughts may appear elsewhere 😉

Over the next few weeks, I will be preparing to close up this blog.  Not to stop blogging.  But I will be starting a new, fresh blog.  I will post the URL here when I have it.  But it will take a little while to figure out my new online identity.  So, expect not much posting until late September, then a brief summary post.  I will have this blog printed and bound as I have my previous iterations.  And then…

A whole new me.

• Em comes home on Friday.  I miss her.  I know she is having a blast.  I received pictures to prove it.  But her eyes don’t look happy.  Most likely its because she hates having her picture taken.  But I miss her and want to see her shining happy eyes in person.
• A minor challenge was presented with what we thought was a good solution, but the solution did not work as intended. It drains and bums me out. Woke up this morning realizing I would have wanted a tweak to the solution, but don’t know what that means since the tweak wouldn’t make it work anyway.
• Prayed. Waiting.  But its not the kind of thing I am experienced at getting answers on, and to be honest it feels weird to be praying for a solution (and guidance) when its been a while since I spent time in just praise.  
• I guess that’s my answer.  I need some praise time.  Great answer and I will abide.  Not an answer to the question I asked though 😉
• Transition is the theme of right now for me.
• I see happiness on the horizon.
• I don’t want those I care about to hurt.
• I miss someone else too.
• I can’t seem to sleep a whole night through.
• I am bored at work.  I so need a challenge.
• I have recently been warned by a trusted source I may be in a situation at work I don’t fully understand the complexities of, the swirling undercurrents – to be careful and to not get too deeply involved.
• My mom’s birthday is Saturday.
• School (4th grade – wow!) Starts Tuesday.  
• In addition to Cheer (Sept/Oct), Diving (Nov/Mar), Em will take a musical instrument at school this year, and try team volleyball (Mar/June) as well as work with a Tutor after school.  It is going to be a full year.
• I want to watch the Mentalist, Big Bang, My own worst enemy as TV shows this fall – try them out anyway.
• There are a couple recent “moments”, sensations or thoughts really, that keep replaying in my head, my sleep, my body.  Its not unpleasant, but its a new experience for me for something to cling so tightly to my psyche.
• Em is growing up in ways we hadn’t expected for a couple more years yet.
• I need to take $15, the toilet paper rolls we have been saving, and the wildcats cooler to Em’s cheer practice tonight.  Em won’t be there.  I also need to go pick up my car keys from the place I accidently left them on Sunday.
• I told 3 people about something I was thinking of doing, and that thing didn’t work out and now I wish I had never said anything because its embarrassing that it didn’t work out.
• Its 5:30 am and if I am awake I should get dresssed and get to work so I can get out early.  I hate it when work is like that – not wanting to spend a minute more than my 8 hours and working through the day just to make the day pass.  I went and asked others yesterday how I could help.  Now I have one of my own boring, hard to engage in tasks, and one of hers.  So, today looks like trudgery.  Its funny how the boring tasks aren’t so boring when you have to squeeze them into a busy day, but are so hard to get done when you have all day to do them.
• I have age spots appearing on my arm and face.
• I think I am almost done with my year long mid-life crisis.  It was a “B…” and coming out the other side is different than I thought.  More clarity rather than “going back to normal”.
• 40 approaches….

Spoke with the girl today.  She flew as an unaccompanied minor to her grandmother in Northern California.  In her words “It was OK, I got bored.”

But she is having a grand time on her “Mammaw Vacation”.  She has reportedly been on the go constantly.  Badmitton and water slides, and kids to play with.  Today was crafts.

I feel like I should write a post because it has been awhile.  So much is going on for me, but I just can’t write about it yet.  That makes it harder to post about the daily details.

I have learned a few things.. or had reminders of things I knew

I have some really good friends.

There are people looking out for me.

My daughter has a very loving heart.

I feel most “me” when I am strong and moving forward.

I am sprouting a new attitude and feeling good.  Great new (to me, old to everyone else) workout song:  Duran Duran – reach up for the sunrise.

These two songs lifted my outlook on life during my 35 min – 12 mile cycling.  I am trying to get to 45 min at a time….

What blessings has God given you that you don’t want? That you might be trying to push away?*

Could my struggles actually be within God’s will? I have always known he has not left me and that he would ultimately use it for His glory.  But could I be being led through the desert here?  I don’t think so, I know when I am pursuing my own desires.. but all the stuff around that – could all of that actually be answers, though painful and unexpected answers to my year long prayer that I ceased praying last September?

*That is part of a conversation in comments on my friend Pisco’s blog  But the thought is very timely for me.

We plan one thing, do another. What shouldn’t hurt, does – what should hurt doesn’t. I ponder one thing, a different thing comes out of my mouth.  I feel such relief.  It surprises me.